Eye contact: judgements

I’ve been struck by how strongly ingrained the judgements that are made of people who don’t make eye contact are in western cultures. The number of people who throughout my life have unashamedly told me of their own, or  of a friend’s initial (negative) reaction to me which has (by their own admission) been entirely based on my failure to make eye contact.

 

These situations have, as far as I can grasp, been based on their not knowing/realising/noticing that I have some kind of visual impairment that might make eye contact impossible. When it is explained, they will generally withdraw the judgement, but often with a qualifying justification like:

“I didn’t realise, I thought you were a bit weird not looking at me properly”,

“I didn’t realise, I thought you were a bit tight up/shifty not looking at me properly”,

“Oh right, I thought you were a bit closed off not looking at me properly”,

“Really, I just thought to myself, what the fuck’s he looking at, his eyes are going all over the place”

And so on.

 

A few things come out of this for me.

While the information that I can’t see enough to make eye contact is (as far as I know) accepted, the implication is always there that, if I could, those judgements would be entirely justifiable.

 

How horribly all this must impact on people who can see, but whose mental health, neurological make-up, past trauma, general disposition, or even their shyness means that they   don’t or can’t routinely make eye contact with strangers.

 

Such fixed views that have, I imagine, largely been constructed by western psychology, must also open the doors to multiple cultural misunderstandings with people from those (non-western) cultures that view the making of eye contact as disrespectful.

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On-street greetings - continued

Following my earlier post, I realised that I hadn’t fully made my point and wanted to finish it.   Sight, with its ability to see faces, might provide ways in to a more connected experience of neighbourhood and community than blindness.  As people walk about the streets, nodding or smiling in acknowledgement of each other as they pass.  Without being able to see people’s faces, to see them making such non-verbal acknowledgement of my existence, I find walking around the streets of my neighbourhood an isolating  experience, passing countless people  in complete silence and at most moving out of each other’s way (other than those who know me). This is far more so for me in the city where there are people who won’t speak to each other, than in the countryside where I might encounter nobody.   I noticed people actually speaking to each other on the streets during lockdown – just saying ‘HI/Alright’ and hoped that the practice would continue, but it seems that things have all too quickly dr
Read more

'Are you causing trouble again?'

I can’t say how irritating, embarrassing and patronising it feels to hear the phrase: “are you causing trouble again?” used as a greeting to me in a kind of over-familiar, knowing, slightly too loud, falsely aspirant voice, intended more to be heard by others than for me.   It’s happened so many times over the years - in cafes, when I’ve been queuing at the counter, conferences when I’ve been trying to find somewhere to sit, arriving at a meeting and finding a seat or a cup of tea…   It often happens when I am in a less than familiar or uncomfortable situation , and never said by people who are close to me, but by people who don’t know how to be around me, people who perhaps have a view of me, their way of matching me with some stereotype of blind people that I can be slotted into.   I’m not a natural ‘trouble-causer’ )whatever that may be) or at least I don’t carry any trouble-causing that I might exude with pride or confidence. I can be difficult,, edgy sometimes, critical, challengi
Read more

Trip hazards part 17

Just crossing my road this morning returning from an early walk and painfully came upon an already large car with a protruding platform at shin height extending for probably a metre from the rear of the car and designed for carrying a number of bikes.   While many rear cycle racks protrude significantly from the back of a vehicle, making them much longer than they appear, this addition was especially sneakily designed.   Naturally impressed at its size, placement and what I could glean of the owner’s character, I was drawn not only to write about it, but also to do a bit of idol research. I found that it is part of the ‘Fuck you’ range of obtrusive cycle racks. As I couldn’t see the image clearly, I wasn’t sure if this model was the ‘Shin Bitch’, or the (slightly cheaper) ‘Trip’o’Twat’ – whichever, it certainly did its job very well this morning.    
Read more