'Are you causing trouble again?'

I can’t say how irritating, embarrassing and patronising it feels to hear the phrase: “are you causing trouble again?” used as a greeting to me in a kind of over-familiar, knowing, slightly too loud, falsely aspirant voice, intended more to be heard by others than for me.

 

It’s happened so many times over the years - in cafes, when I’ve been queuing at the counter, conferences when I’ve been trying to find somewhere to sit, arriving at a meeting and finding a seat or a cup of tea…

 

It often happens when I am in a less than familiar or uncomfortable situation , and never said by people who are close to me, but by people who don’t know how to be around me, people who perhaps have a view of me, their way of matching me with some stereotype of blind people that I can be slotted into.

 

I’m not a natural ‘trouble-causer’ )whatever that may be) or at least I don’t carry any trouble-causing that I might exude with pride or confidence. I can be difficult,, edgy sometimes, critical, challenging, but also thoughtful, witty, unconfident too. I don’t fit any of my own pictures of what ‘trouble causers’ are (whether bolshie, aggressive, belligerent, strong-minded, sharply articulate, cutting…nowhere near as some and often would wish that I had the staying power, the sheer aggression or ready arguments up my sleeve to meet such a challenge.

 

While I’m sure it isn’t said with any particular malicious intent, there’s something underlying it that feels intentional, or focussed. I have never felt a sense of comradeship from the person who’s asked it, or a sense of pride that I have legitimately been causing some kind of worthy and necessary trouble.  It is more that they see me as separate, someone who perhaps speaks their mind too readily, pushes themselves forward, is aggressive – like a troublesome child or unwanted political activist.

 

 

And there’s that barb in the placement of the ‘again’ at the end. The ‘again’ seems to add a legitimacy to the already difficult question. What am I meant to reply? ‘yes’, or ‘no’?.  their use of  ‘again’ means that I feel like I’ve been exposed and can’t just say no, but have to deny or explain away all those previous times that they’ve apparently witnessed me causing trouble. 

 

It is such a weird greeting and probably no more innocuous than one of unconfident people trying to be friendly by not using an overtly patronising introduction. But why can’t they just say ‘Hi Ian’, it isn’t hard, it’s clear and a fairly common way to greet someone (particularly if they’re called Ian).