Encounters

eyesight offers people a lot of techniques, options and choices that blind people don’t have for managing how (or if) they acknowledge each other in unplanned encounters – when spotting someone on the street, in a crowd even at a party or event etc. Most of the options lie between the polarities of a full conversation (on the one hand) and the decision to ignore each other (on the other).

 

As I understand it, for a sighted person on recognising someone, there are fleeting moments of decision-making, of uncertainty about whether to acknowledge each other or not, checking out whether it might be only you who have spotted them, and if so, in that instant, the choice to make contact lies entirely with you. Alternatively, there will be situations where it is a pleasure to bump into someone where you wouldn’t but make every effort to catch up with them whether they’ve seen you or not.

 

I’m describing situations here that I only understand vicariously and that while I know the language and concepts, I have no direct experience of these dilemmas. Blind people (and I use the term loosely) don’t have access to these choices which inevitably puts the ball entirely in the court of the sighted person on a chance encounter with a blind person with whom they have some connection with.

 

Sighted people who have some understanding of this dynamic (that they have information and choices that blind people do not), will be likely to let me know of their presence to avoid the imbalance. This in itself can be problematic because, as discussed, such unplanned encounters would often not warrant the necessity of a conversation. Ideally, we would be able to develop a new etiquette that makes it permissible to have a quick greeting without the need for a subsequent conversation. This is rare though and through my desire for courtesy or pleasure that the person has said hello, I’m often conscious of myself saying ‘how are you?’ and so beginning an often unnecessary and sometimes uncomfortable conversation.

 

I can’t see enough to recognise people out of context,  make eye contact, see a nod, wave or smile of recognition, so can’t take part in those decisions. However, I’m often told that people have seen me on the street, at an event, in a pub or cafe, on the bus etc. I described in an earlier post how once at a gig, I discovered that I’d been standing right next to a work colleague (who I’d known for years) for the last 45 minutes or more without knowing it. He had chosen to hold off his “hello”, leaving me aware of his presence only as a member of the crowd, but not as somebody I knew. 

 

while I understand the dynamics that I described at the start, I often find myself feeling self-conscious in public situations, wondering if  there are people around who recognise or even know me, but who either don’t want a conversation, or their circumstances at that moment don’t make it easy/possible to come over to acknowledge me.